It's now 36 days since the accident. This September hasn't at all been what I thought it would be. But I've spent a lifetime making lemonade out of some real lemons. I'm still not back on the bike or driving, but all the therapists and doctors tell me to be patient. You would think it would be easy since I waited 34 years to do my first PBP. Alas, I must be less patient post head trauma.
I hadn't ever thought about what it would be like to heal my own brain. It's really different from healing just about anything else. My neurologist was quick to point out that trying to cope with trauma is much harder when the thing that is traumatized is also the thing that is doing the work. Rationality doesn't always follow along those lines. Early on, the brain fog got bad enough that I was hardly able to function. Not realizing that "pushing through it" would be counter-productive, I went back to work way too soon and probably extended the recovery by a lot. You can't just push through it.
There have been lots of people that have stepped up with kind words. I had my first conversation with my sister in at least 25 years. Several randonneuse friends have also emerged with similar histories or struggles. I have good days and bad days and the bad days are gradually getting better. Though travel is out for this fall, next winter I will theoretically be back in the saddle.
So the lemonade? I thought of all my symptoms and how they really might have a silver lining
| | Lemon | Lemonade |
| Lack of Taste and Smell |
- Miss a good glass of wine, chocolate, pasta, etc - Hard to smell house burning down - Hard to tell if clothes are really dirty - Sour milk gives me serious stomach issues |
- Vomiting associated with headaches is far easier - Bad cooking is better tasting - Totally immune to other people's BO - Bad milk still gives coffee a more pleasant texture - Those really disgusting vegetable juices with kale are palatable and good for you! |
| Brain Fog | - Cat got lost because brain fog led to him being left out all night - I don't talk very much and speak slowly - I need a nap every 4 hours - I keep forgetting stupid things like brushing my teeth - Can't multitask at all | - When cat was lost, didn't feel really panicked or upset - My co-workers appear to like me better - I haven't slept this well in years - I survived a dental appointment and my teeth are still okay - I am trying to pay more attention to what is actually going on |
| Dizziness | - I can't drive or ride a bike | - Uber is making lots of money |
| Poor vision | - My eyes are really bad in bright light - I have limited peripheral vision on the right | - Shades make me look more suave - Not seeing on the right side is better in traffic on a bike than the left |
| Headaches | - Damn, I have ANOTHER headache! | - At least they have a cause unlike those pesky migraines - They get a little less every day |